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I write this section, without altering what is written already. I want to retain my thought development. You will find ample of grammatical and spelling mistakes. Please ignore them, I usually write in haste while thinking. I have not made any effort in proof reading or properly writing the text. My excuse: **You miss out on time when you have so many ideas in your head.** “Especially, then, when you bring those ideas to the world, from your head”

Often I have asked myself the question: Should I pick one “Engineering or Art”? It has been a tough one for me to figure out. Still sometimes has not been an easy thing to accept sometimes. Passion? or hobby? or career? Life? What is art for me? Where does it stand in my life?

I have been trained to think like an engineer from past 6 years in a systematic way in my college and the university. My father, though being a lawyer has had a scientist in him, who always poked up the curiosity of how things work and mending things up. He always told me and my younger brother, of how much he liked science but had given up on the opportunity as he became cold feet. But I do see a scientist in him. Though a timid one, unable to keep up with the ravish technological advancements happening around. I have had an insight of modularity of engineering, not so much as my friends with engineering parents, but quite enough to be curious about the working around me. During my masters, I have been exposed to the international standards of engineering set up, which has opened my thinking span much more than before. Slowly and steadily I am able to understand it and eventually getting good at it. I am able to understand the industry. As of 2018, I see my self as a successful engineer from whose life art has a special place in weekends, holidays, when she wants an out from the scene. I like just sketching when I am exhausted of studies. I like exploring the limits I can reach in the given skillsets.

Seeing the pamphlet of Oxford university art school, I do get a little, actually a lot sad that I can not be as happy as they appear in the video. I wish to learning the human anatomy, use beautiful colours, the mixing of the colours in the oil palette and the beautiful feeling of getting exhausted after hours of painting. The numbness and emptiness of thoughts after hours sitting without food and talking, just songs or sometimes no songs at all, but just paintings. Sometimes, even not going to the washroom. The hunger of painting has been high and after that, the hunger for food has been incredibly satifying. As if I achieved something, I became better and stronger. I love that feeling. Somehow, I am also scared at the same time that I can not be a good enough artist to get an earning from it. I could not be that possible artist that I imagine myself to be. I am scared, no denial to that, to become a full time artist. But also, I enjoy finding issues in life that can be solved by present engineering scope. And after doing my master’s, I find it difficult to choose between one. I think, I do not have to make a choice, as I can take both my skills together and make a good happy life of it.

What I think about modern art as an engineer at 02-06-2018? A flowchart depicting my thought process about modern (contemporary art):

I Honestly do not understand it. Things have to make sense. The legs should be proportional to how human anatomy is. It is not

After seeing museums across Europe, I saw mostly the painting during the renaissance time. I appreciated the beauty of realism. The paintings I have made till (02-06-2018), try to encapsulate the realistic paintings. I went to art fairs and exhibitions, trying to find the meaning of art. Trying to understand why some worth billions and some which are so realistic, they worth nothing.

I attended this workshop of botanical sketching,

How often should you check the website?

Well, I try to do creative work whenever have time, sometimes its spur of the moment. Sometimes I am so involved in the engineering projects that I can’t paint. Sometimes, I just don’t feel like painting. Sometimes, things are too personal or too unimportant to put on the website. Yearly would be a good time to open the page and find out something new.

Can I make it a profession?

I would like to but call me conservative or not open to the idea, but I do not think I can be a full time painter. First: I should have enolled myself in formal art education. Second: To earn the bread, it seems a difficult job.

I am at peace with myself for not doing it under the pressure to earn bread. Making it a profession “might” make the art altered and ideas difficult to proliferate.

Indeed, I also am influenced with the idea that I can not paint all the time, I do need my brain curiosity fluids to run for engineering solutions too.

Digital ART?

Yes! it is super easy to create it, requires less skills (not ‘no skills’!), holding the brush feeling it. You can take photographs to express your ideas. Right picture at right time.

(17-06-2018) Art is perhaps the expression of ideas, feelings; not display of skills.

January 2018:

Me at Museum in Amsterdam: The Artist didn’t mention the purpose, so I assumed it’s an empty frame..so had a picture infront of it. ๐Ÿ˜‰ hehe.

IMG_0153

18-06-2018

Role model: Leonardo Da Vinci. This guy is an engineer, philosopher and an artist altogether. I aspire to become like him.

18-06-2018

Classical music: Sitar by Ravi Shankar and Anoushka Shankar! I do not understand the meaning of it, the meaning of the music. I am very focused while studying and enjoy it. Especially the Aura on Anoushka Shankar’s face while playing, it energises me.

22-07-2018

My paintings are very dynamic. That’s a thing I really like. When I choose to paint something, it has to dynamic. That’s one of the filters for it to be selected by me. It should be so realistic that when you see it should speak to you.

08-09-2018

What is art ?

Today I portrayed some philosophical idea into a sculpture. I scuplted the meaning of art. Asked people around for it’s meaning to them. Once I told them , what it stands for they liked it very much. BEfore that they were baffled for what it actually is…

I think that is modern art. Putting thoughts into figures and designs..

09-09-2018

I can do everything. Anything, I can think of, all mediums to paint. I can sing, need to brush up, but I can do that. I can dance, I danced in marriages and disco theatre. I can do drama, I did play so many roles in my school (just being a peacock with no dialogues, once). I have participitated in being in fancy dress with diaologues and expressions.

14-09-2018

I want my art to be related to a more general population. Connect with them. The biggest problem as a non artist is that they can not appreciate modern art or say something that they ould relate to. My pieces of art will be meant to be undertood by all. Maing it look beautiful and relatable, helps gather audience and make people undertsand it and transit them from pictures to art. Modern art world seems to deep and interesting now to me. Relateing in with feeling adn experience of artists over time. It is difficult to understand, but if others can not understand it makes no sense to me ho you can touch other people’s heart. It is same with science. If you can not explain your findings to people. it is useless because it is something that is meant to be spread across, it is your finding, why hide in the covers of poor english skills and bad presentation. People want to understand things, however, if you blind your work with curtains secrecy, it might touch the pain and sorrow that othe people might share with you.

18-09-2018

Art is expressing your feelings!

20-09-2018

Life is simple man! Enjoy it! Be happy!

22-09-2018

Life has no meaning. Life can have apurpose though. Find that prupose, it will give you a reason to live.

13-11-2018

Talking about sculptures…

I am patiently learning the skills now. The creation phase is a bit ahead in time? I will create something, very passionate, meaningful in near future.

For me exploring and learning is very important, the creation of something will come when it ahs to, though I don’t hold myself back to create someting new, meaningful, of my own.

12-22-2018 “My interpretation of life

That tiny little creature looking like a bird is you. And this whole thing represnts your life. You are so tiny, you can not see the ‘Goal’. You don’t even know what is in that box. You are not aware what this life will bring to you. The love of life is also represented as a heart on the life. This is on a side different than your’s. This might be crawling up probably at the same speed. Or maybe at a different speed. Maybe not towards you…

Now, this life is very weird. You learn how to go uphill, and it will make you learn downhill too.. The stones represent problems/issues in life.

The idea is: you never know what you will get and apparently, there in no right way.

life

27-12-2018

Thoughts in Greece.

The painting that is made as an attempt to learn how to paint is not art. But the one who can paint anything and everything, if that person draw something, is called art.

06-01-2019

Life is too short to correct the typing errors.

10-01-2019

Reading my previous comments on this page, it appears that I want to do art and engineering is imposed on me. Maybe it started with that, but now I will not give up engineering for art. Engineering opens such a beautiful world to me. I choose to be a part of this world. Today, I can make a choice between the two and I will not leave any. I like both equally. I can not imagine my life without either one missing. Engineering helps me understand the working in ways I can not explain. And I do not understand art at the moment. Understanding art is long term process. It takes life time of the people. I do not how to understand art. Engineering put me in the world logic and my journey through it might help me understand art.

Since, this is my art website, my opinion on this paper has been inclined to art. But, trust me, when you meet and talk about my engineering projects, thesis, I would be equally enthusiatic with my shinny eyes, making my mark in the scientific community. I will be a professional engineer with some jokes here and there. But very apt with concepts and ideas and curiosity. You will not be able to guess where I do another ‘occupation’. You might though credit my creativity in engineering to the creativity in colours. Or you can see the creativity spreading out in different domains of my life like engineering and art. My brain is the common entity and it is to be atrricuted for the quality of creativity in these areas.

Someone in 7-8 years ago told me, that I am a “karmak student” (energetic student). “Whatever domain I decide to do, I will come out with flying colours.” So, it is like these fields choose me. If I was introduced to the dancing at an early age, or my mom did dancing, I would have had choosen that.

15-01-2018

Life is an experiment. you cook something to please yourself or others, you try your writing, you give a speech, you do anyhting: it is an experiment. The things/people you experiment on is the people who consume your product. And the result is should be abstracted from the randomness it lead from that act on your life.

15-01-2018

I am a very social person. However, I do not spend time on fb. I don’t have accounts on other social websites. I prefer meeting people in a person.

18-01-2018

You know, people use creative people as a dirt of their shoes. Back in my bachelor’s days, when I was given the reponsibility of making posters. My ideas and designs were moulded in ways I did not like at all. That experience, made me realise that commercial art is fancy. It is not about creativity but about sellability. I knew that the posters were meant for advertisment. However, what is bumming is that I was an engineer in making and still they did not care so much about the ‘right thing’, than about the thingg they wanted.

18-01-2019

“Looking at you, we could have not thought that you could be so creative ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ™‚ “

Why is it so? I am not offended by it, but I get this comment a lot. Maybe I am modest(I brag about this website a lot), maybe I am a good engineer that completes my identity (hehe..happy) or people have a perception of how “artists” look like and I do not match that. (The word artist is used by me very loosely sometimes[for simplicity mostly], but I do not consider myself one.)

I do not consider myself an artist because I have good eye sensor and motory skills to draw, paint, cook or sculpt. But I have not yet discovered the vision of art. You can call my work beautiful, but I am not sure if you can call that artistic. ๐Ÿ˜€

21-01-2019

Why does this world asks me to choose a path? I don’t understand. I don’t want to. I am a little bit of everything and I enjoy it thoroughly. I love painting, scutping as equally as thinking, engineering. I loVe philosophy, pysocolgy and gardening. I love cooking, dancing and singing(these are only for alone talents). I like being poetic and cracking nerdy jokes. I love engineering works of others and creating my own. I like designing things, solving problems, learning maths, teaching. I love changing conservative people to more liberal and open minded souls. I think it’s my duty. But I am everything, why do you need to put me in boxes ?I am happy with what I get, why do you need to classify into one category, when am everything, and can be all. ๐Ÿ™‚

22-01-2019

Everone says that they do not understand modern art. Let’s do the task for them!

๐Ÿ˜€

12-06-2019

Just imagine: Ants are trying to understand the patterns/behaviour of humans.
How absurd it sounds? Doesn’t it? God must feel the same!

#(Reseacher+Artist Dilemna = Who am I?)

10-Jul-2019

Identity Crisises!

11-06-2019

We feel caged. We feel captivated. We feel captured in a place. But we often forget that we are confined by our own thoughts. I was locked in a bathroom the other day, I decided that I will not panic, I decided that I will keep calm: as I had simulated such situation when someone wlse was captivated in a bathroom. But it turned dreadful, I got scared, I imagined living there foreever, I thought I will never be out of that ever. No one can listen to me, no one can hear me, no one knew I was in the bathroom, I cursed myself to have not brought my phone with me. I could call my friend in the restaurant,.

YOu know you can not simulate everything. If you could you do not need to live. Life is an experiment. It is your own personal experiment, with a lot of external factors causing a lot of unpredictability. No matter how much you think about it, things will happen which you did not predict. Such simulation flaws should be not be disheartening, rather it should be a lesson to make mistakes! Mistakes, becuase, do not expect things to go as you want them to. If you expect things to go wrong, a little right thing will light up your day. But don not be to negative about life and be sad, keep your shinny with hope. Hope is different from expectations. Expectations are enourmous burden on your simulation to not be affected by the external elements. Hope is beautiful, it takes nothing, gives you happiness.

Coming back to the story, I was then let out of the bathroom, other I panicked and started screaming louder and banging the door harder. Once, out I felt like it never happened. Moreso, I realised today that being captivated is a feeling more than the physcial act of being in a closed place. People are captivated with their thoughts. If I implement this in with my relation to the university and me. Then I am captivateed here for three years, I do not have a contract but I am here. I am staying here for so long, am I stuck here, do I like it like that or am I not stuck. Why do I feel free here and why did I feel captivated in the bathroom? I do not move out of the university premises. I do not go out a lot. I am here always here. Am I captivated in the university ?

16-07-2019

Butterfly style of existence.

19-07-2019

My grandad is really, critically ill. I didn’t know how much had I been connected to him over the past time

It is hurting like crazy. Emotions surpass practicality

You can not think of how you will feel when ‘that’ happens. And you know, you do not eb n need to think of all of it. Just live, trust the creation of of as you, to be robust enough to survive it all. If you feel sad, feel it, don’t stop it or curb it, if you want to curb it curb it. See the point is that you are the best judge of what to do in a situation. It might feel wrong from ‘other’ people’s perspective. But fuck them. Their is no one more important than you.

22-07-2019

Art comes from mind and soul.

02-08-2019

My right brained is dominant or left? Does it matter? Will it dictate, what job I do the best?

No.

03-08-2019

Earlier people judge people who went out of the generla trend.

Now people judge those who judge. hehe…

04-08-2019

If the frequency of the material is similar to the vibration put in , it gets destroyed.

Music is like that for humans. It varies with people. If you find the right music(right frequency ) of music, you will feel it. (In a good way)

08-08-2019

Love does not hinder, love liberates.

14-08-2019

What is the agenda of life? To observe change.

Every one as they grow, this is the thing common to all. They will always relate things to the past and say ‘that happened then, now this happens’. It can be meant in positive, neutral or negative sense. But it is observation of change. Maybe life is about observing changes. What else can be the purpose of life?

14-04-2020

Art is mostly about the interpretation.

14-04-2020

We think, tech has changed the behaviour of the generation. Tech is just a visilobe and openly curse tool. Rather, I would say that our generation has moved from internal cure to externally looking fine. We don’t solve it hinges from the root, rather we base our perception on the externalities. For instance, we pay attention to curing allergies, fever with paracetamol bit fail to realise taht their are billions of cancer cells inside us. We fail to put our effort in curing our health internally , but take care of symptoms. It’s not the tech, but our mentality/attitude towards problem solving that has become a show-off. Quite superficial.

 

15-04-2020

Without knowing the audience, I have blabbered so much on my wall. I wish I had some expectations or goals to full fill.

 

 

 

2019 was not artistry creative. But it was sure creative.

2020 came with some new works in sculptures, photography and shayari. It’s June now, let’s see what’s in stored for the rest of the year. Corona sucks, but it does give time to be artisty.